that ill-advised thing: peste little liars

So for Eliza's going away present we gifted her with... her very own episode of Pretty Little Liars.

No, this post doesn't contain the entire 7-minute episode (which we shot in a day, in between requests and before the bosses came in -- oha) -- what it does contain is a scene-by-scene recap.

Oh man, we wish we're kidding you. Really.

Disclosures: All is fair in love and war. We did not mean to offend you, copyright holders. The program is yours. All you other guys here: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. ONLY WITH VIDEO. NONE OF THE ASSERTIONS ARE TRUE! ASK HER YOURSELF! hahaha :)

We can't even--. Really.

(Cut for things that cannot be unseen. This serves as your warning.)

Insert the Proverbial Ringing of the Phone here

Episode opens in *gasp* The Research Section. Almi answers a mysterious phone call and asks, "Are you sure?"

Yep.

Lunch time!

INSERT FANTASTIC OBB HERE -- OMG.

So our Peste Little Liars are huddled around the table discussing the Season Two premiere of Game of Thrones. Marielle remembers Eliza -- the person responsible for introducing this addiction to the group. Kate asks if anyone's heard anything from her since she resigned. Almi and Schatzi exchange creeped out looks.

Schatzi, Almi and that day's lunch

Almi: Balita wala.
Schatzi: Paramdam meron.

Lawrence as usual is clueless. Ano'ng ibig niyong sabihin?

Apparently, Eliza makes her presence ~felt~ whenever somebody discusses rumors about her departure!

Almi: E di ba nga inisip natin na baka may something kasi nagiging health conscious siya?
Kate: Which can only mean buntis siya right?

GASP WHAT BOLD RUMOR IS THAT. Buti pa si Lawrence may benefit of the doubt:

Lawrence: Eh di ba dati pa naman siyang healthy living?

But then, Marielle totally jumps to the conclusion, saying: Oh my! Healthy Pregnancy!

Then we flash back to that time Marielle finds a mysterious book in Eliza's drawer that one time...

Check out that PROP hahaha :) Production design c/o Lawrence haha!

LOL SEPIA! LOL Dictionary of Philippine BABY NAMES!

Why the hell has she been hoarding a dictionary of baby names right?

Almi: So binaon na talaga niya ang past niya with girls no?

GASP. The surprises don't stop! Turns out Eliza has always been a couple of drinks away from a potentially bisexual experience haha!

As usual, Lawrence doesn't get it at all: What do you mean? Lalaki siya dati? Alam ba ni Jaykie ito?

Oh trust us, Lawrence. What Jaykie knows pleases him greatly.

Good thing Marielle has the decency to explain in a very very soft whisper: Di ba nga pareho sila ni Ate Kate na lesbian.

(ROUND OF RATHER GENUINE LAUGHTER HERE)

Lawrence: Ano? Lesbian si Kate?

Uh. Wag kang mabibigla, pero...

ANYWAY. And so Kate recounts that one time she found folders in Eliza's computer... full of photos of scantily clad women! AT THE BEACH!

Not those kinds of folders

Featuring REAL STILTS PHOTOS

It's Schatzi's turn to present an explanation for those photos:

Schatzi: Baka naman gamit niya dun sa mga sinusulat niyang erotic stories for Bulgar.
Almi: Di namin alam yun ah, pano mo nalaman yun?

OOPS.

LOL a fiction column with a HEADSHOT. Nice.

LOL HERE BE LAWRENCE LOOKING SO SERIOUS.

I have no idea why he's looking at her so seriously.

And then there's a flashback involving Marielle where Eliza apparently takes revenge upon the Peste Little Liars by... get this: BORROWING ALL OF THE BOOKS IN THE LIBRARY. Oh the TERROR.

Marielle looking so sadly at the empty shelves

Library card that says "e, e, e, e, e, e"

Oh Eliza you hoar(der).

Anyway. It's Lawrence's turn to share a "haunting"

Magtitimpla sana ako ng kape sa pantry...

Pero imbis na kape ang lumabas sa pakete, ang lumabas ay... OATS!

LOL INCREDULOUS FACE IS INCREDULOUS

Lawrence: And only Eliza trades oats for coffee right?

(Hands down the best line I've ever heard/seen/read in a while.)

Almi also comes clean with her *threesome* experience in the washroom

LOL Look at those guilty faces

Cannot be unseen. We warned you okay!

LOL THIS SEPIA DREAM!SCENE TO KESHA'S TAKE IT OFF. 3 SECONDS OF YOU-WISH-YOU-COULD-UNSEE GLORY

Marielle: May nangyari sa inyo?!
Schatzi: HINDI YUNG INIISIP MO!

Oh Marielle. Natututo ka na hahaha.

Anyway. The REAL experience in the washroom goes this way -- they're talking about spoilers re: Eugene Domingo's latest Hollywood flick while simultaneously doing things in the bathroom stalls

Almi liked the jumping off building part

"Dinaig pa yung paglubog sa septic tank!"

I wish I knew what I was doing in the shower stall, too.

And then upon coming out of the stalls AT THE SAME TIME (hahaha PLL oh you ridiculous show how do you pull this off?) --

LOL PANG-AWARD!

Anyway, if you're wondering what these girls saw that nearly caused them to get to their knees in the office's comfort room, here:

"AYOKO.."

"SPOILERS"

LOL SOMEONE DISLIKES SPOILERS INTENSELY!

Who wrote that?! While they were in the stalls right?! SO BRAZEN!!!

So our PLLs run out of the bathroom one after the other. (Still one of my favorite moments, like, EVER.)

But since we're on the topic of logic (wait, we were?) Lawrence tries to generate the benefit of the doubt:

Lawrence: But what makes you think na si Eliza yun?

Cut to memory where Almi borrows a lipstick from "Eliza" HAHAHA

LOL Schatzi: Best Actress in an Eliza role.

And then while reminiscing guess what happens? ALL THE CELL PHONES AROUND THE TABLE START BEEPING?

Coincidence?

Kate: O anong message sa inyo?
Almi: Globe advisory.
Schatzi: Globe advisory.
Marielle: Akin din po.

(Eh hindi nga ako Globe pero nakatanggap ako ng Globe advisory. O di ba creepy.)

AND THEN! Di pa tapos diyan--the phones beep A SECOND TIME.

CUE: TINGINANG MALUPIT AT PAIKOT.

OMG!

Apparently undisturbed (LOL), Almi says they should just take the plates back to the pantry. Little did they know what awaits them upon their return...

LOL ELIZA LIKES BANANAS OK? AND THE WORD CHOS.

OH THE SUSPENSE! OH THE DRAMA! It's too much for our knees.

THE END.

Credits: Almi as Sort of Aria, Schatzi as Sort of Hanna, Marielle as Sort of Spencer and Kate as Sort of Emily. Lawrence is Sort of Toby. Marielle hasn't seen an episode of PLL. Imagine that. Haha. No copyright infringement/insult upon copyright intended. We're just having fun.

Also -- Lawrence wrote this script.